Disclaimer: England & Wales focus – Information as of 9 March 2026. This is general guidance only, not legal advice. Family law procedures differ in Scotland and Northern Ireland.

1. Try to recover the relationship first

If possible and safe, take a step back before diving into legal processes. Schedule a calm conversation (not in front of the children) to discuss what both of you need to feel heard. Consider professional help: couples or family counselling can provide structure and reduce hurt. Many relationship issues can be eased by clear communication and compromise.

For practical support and lists of counselling or mediation services, see this Care for the Family page: Helpful organisations around relationships. If there is any hint of danger or abuse, put safety first and seek help immediately (call 999 in the UK if at risk).

2. Stabilise safety, children and finances

Once you decide to separate (or if you are unable to save the marriage), focus on urgent priorities:

• Keep everyone safe: If there are threats, abuse or violence, call 999 immediately. Seek domestic abuse support if needed.
• Protect the children: Children need routine and protection from conflict. Keep school and bedtime routines as normal as possible. Explain changes calmly and reassure them you both love them.
• Gather key documents: Make a folder or copy digital backups of mortgage statements, title deeds, household bills, bank statements, payslips, benefit letters and any existing legal paperwork (wills, power of attorney, etc.).
• Note important dates: Write down upcoming deadlines (mortgage payments, fixed-rate deals, school term dates, care appointments). Don’t let a lack of information create a crisis later.
• Agree short-term logistics: Decide who will live where for the next few weeks (for stability). Agree who will pay which bills in the meantime to avoid missed payments. Sometimes spouses continue to help with mortgage payments temporarily.

3. Arrangements for children and communication

Your children’s well-being comes first. Plan gently for where they will live and spend time, but focus on keeping them secure. Helpful tips:

• Keep conflicts away from kids: Never argue about separation in front of them. Use calm language like “mommy and daddy have had difficulties” rather than blaming.
• Create a parenting plan: Write down who will take the children to school, who will be with them after school, who handles bedtime, etc. Include weekend or holiday schedules. Even a simple plan can reduce confusion.
• Communicate clearly with your ex: Use polite messages or email for logistics (“The children need new shoes. Please let me know if you can pick them up.”). Stay factual and short to avoid misunderstandings.
• Mediation for child arrangements: If you can’t agree, consider mediation. A mediator helps parents agree on child schedules, usually in separate rooms. In England and Wales, you usually need a short initial meeting (a MIAM) before going to court about children. See GOV.UK’s guidance here: Make arrangements for your children. (There are exemptions if there is serious abuse.)
• Child maintenance: Both parents must support their children financially. You can agree privately or use the Child Maintenance Service (CMS) to calculate payments. Consider how you will share costs like food, school fees or childcare. CMS can enforce payments if someone doesn’t pay.

4. Your home and mortgage

The family home is often the biggest asset. Take care not to rush decisions here:

• Joint mortgage responsibilities: If your names are on the mortgage, both of you remain responsible for payments even if one moves out. If payments stop, both credit records and the home can be at risk.
• Right to stay in the home: Generally, both spouses have the right to live in the marital home until it’s decided otherwise. The mortgage lender cannot force you out if you are named on the loan. You can only be made to move out if a court orders it, or if the home is sold or repossessed (or the marriage legally ends).
• Talk to your lender: If you think you might miss payments or want to change who pays, contact the bank early. They may offer options (like adjusting payments short-term). Be honest about your income – under UK rules a lender must verify who can afford payments if you want to change the mortgage.
• Decide on the home: Common choices are: selling the house now and splitting proceeds; one person buying the other’s share (remortgaging in one name); or continuing joint ownership temporarily (perhaps until the youngest child finishes school). Which is right depends on your finances and children’s needs.
• Check your credit and debts: Joint debts (credit cards, loans) link your credit files. For example, if you delay a mortgage payment, both will be affected. Try to pay shared debts on time or set up a new agreement. As far as possible, avoid running up new joint debt.

5. Divorce process and financial settlement

In England and Wales, divorce and financial/custody arrangements are related but handled separately. Key steps:

• Consider counselling or mediation first: Even if you plan to divorce, professional counselling or mediation can help you agree on arrangements. Mediation might reduce conflict and give you more control over outcomes.
• Understand the timeline: Since 2022, the law allows “no-fault” divorce (no need to blame). Once you file, you must wait 20 weeks before applying to continue (the “conditional order” stage). Then you must wait at least another 6 weeks + 1 day before finalising the divorce. In total, expect at least 26+ weeks (6+ months) from application to final order.
• Cost: The current court fee to apply for a divorce is £612. There may be fee waivers if you are on low income.
• Legal separation: If one of you is unsure about a divorce, you can choose a “legal separation” instead (so you live apart without ending the marriage) – discuss this with a solicitor.
• Financial agreement: Any agreement about money and property should be made legally binding by a “consent order” filed with the court. Without it, agreements aren’t enforceable. Note: the court generally won’t approve a consent order until after the conditional order. It’s often simplest to sort finances before the final divorce order.
• Seeking court orders: If you can’t agree on finances or children arrangements, you may need to apply to court (for example, a “financial order”). The court will usually expect you to have tried mediation first (unless exempt). Be aware: litigation is expensive and outcomes are unpredictable, so getting an agreement is often cheaper and faster.

6. When to get urgent help

Certain situations need faster or specialised legal help:

• Abuse or safety concerns: If there is any domestic violence or child risk, seek help now (police, social services, solicitors experienced in urgent cases).
• Mortgage default: If you suddenly cannot pay the mortgage, talk to a lawyer or debt adviser immediately – repossession can be applied for if payments stop.
• Hidden assets: If you suspect your spouse is hiding money or selling property to avoid giving you your share, you may need urgent legal action.
• School placement or relocation: Deciding to move home or country with the children can be contentious; if your ex will not agree, you will need court permission.

7. How Howard & Co can help

If you’ve decided to divorce or need legal advice, our team is here for you. Howard & Co is a local firm (established 1976) with specialists in family law. We understand how stressful separation can be, and we handle each case with care and empathy.

We can advise you on:

• Divorce process and timeline
• Arrangements for children
• Financial settlement, including mortgages and pensions
• Consent orders to make agreements binding
• Urgent steps if needed (e.g. injunctions in abuse cases)

Contact us:
Email: law@howardandco.co.uk
Phone: 01226 215 215
(We are regulated by the Solicitors Regulation Authority, Firm No. 8000040.)

Learn more about our family law and divorce services here: Howard & Co – Divorce & Separation.

Disclaimer: This article is for general information. For advice specific to your situation, please speak to a qualified solicitor or relevant professional. Always check the latest official guidance (for example, on GOV.UK).